Where's My Christmas Card?

As we are quickly approaching Christmas Day, my mailbox continues to flood with the loveliest of Christmas cards from so many of our dearest friends.  Receiving Christmas cards each year is one of the things I look forward to most.  I love seeing the creativity behind a Christmas photo shoot and seeing how families and kids have grown each year.  And I absolutely LOVE having my own photo shoot and designing our personal Christmas card each year!  Throughout the entire Fall season I've been dreaming up and envisioning what our card would look like this year and I was so excited to proudly display BOTH of my babies on the card....last year we were just a family of 3 and now we are 4!!  Yay!!!!

It's amazing how much can change in just 1 year.  It's been an exciting year for us with sweet Pierce joining our family.  It's also been a challenging year between having a rough pregnancy, his miraculous delivery, adjusting to being a mommy of 2, Ava starting kindergarten and having homework and spelling tests every week, being a wife and stay at home mom who also happens to have a photography business and some amazing clients that have kept my schedule joyfully packed.  I just wrapped up my last pre-Christmas photo session last weekend and rushed to get it edited so I could try to coast into Christmas with a clean slate and the hope of being pressure-free.  Yet, all the while, a photo shoot with Ava and Pierce and the designing of our Christmas card still loomed over my head.

I've been doing a quick photo shoot with Pierce every month for his baby book (don't ask if I've printed any!) and he turned 6 months old on December 15th so I dropped everything else on my "to do" list and did a quick session with him and Ava last week.  That may sound easy enough to you....but.....when you're a perfectionist of a human being/photographer, it's never quite so simple.  Session completed but there's still the culling process and then the editing process and while one thing gets accomplished there's always something else, somewhere, that falls behind.  Laundry.  Dishes.  A clean house.  Grocery shopping.  Christmas shopping.  And so on.

Could I have gotten a Christmas card designed with a quick snapshot of the kids and a sweet little Christmas wish perfectly centered in a pretty font on the back?  Yes.  Could I have gotten them ordered and delivered to my doorstep this week?  Yes.  Could I have gotten them addressed, stamped and dropped in the mailbox by today?  Yes.  Would I have missed out on doing Christmas crafts with Ava?  Yes.  Would I have missed extra snuggles and giggles with Pierce?  Yes.  Would I have missed Ava's Christmas party at school?  Yes.  Would I have missed Christmas shopping with Jordan?  Yes.  Would I have missed these memories in order to send all of our precious family and friends a Christmas card that you would have only enjoyed for maybe 3 days?  Yes.  And every time I pondered what mattered most to me in this season, right now, the hustle and bustle and stress to follow tradition fell short.  Way, way, way, way short.

As I type this, I glance around my living room to find a half decorated mantle that is nowhere near what I wanted it to be because I never had the time to make the pretty burlap banner I had wanted to or make a pretty garland from fresh Frasier Fir branches.  The very top portion of our Christmas lights on the tree went out a few days ago and we haven't changed them out and won't at this point.  Pierce has a stocking that doesn't match the rest of ours because I never got around to making new ones like I wanted.  But in this very moment, there is peace and stillness, not only in my house and not just because the babies are asleep, but it's nestled down inside me because I've chosen to not fret over things I can't change or things that matter less than what I cherish and value most in my life.  My family.  I would rather Ava remember that I sat down in a tiny little chair right next to hers in her classroom.  I'd rather remember the excitement on her face when I made it to her party on time.  I'd rather remember all the fun of our first Christmas as a family of four than fill my heart and my home with anxiety and tension over what I "thought" this Christmas should "look" like.  And I'd rather share my love with all of you here, in this blog post, just so you know that you weren't forgotten or wonder how you didn't make my "card cut" this year.  No one did.  But it wasn't because you weren't loved or that we didn't think of you.  We've thought of EACH one of you and we want YOUR Christmas to be filled with what matters MOST, too - the ones you love most!

I'll cross my fingers and challenge myself to be ahead of the game next year because I do want to share in the card giving again!  It just didn't happen this year and I'm thankful that I know you understand.  :o)

I wouldn't dare leave you without some cuteness so please enjoy a few of my favorites from the photo shoot last week.  :o)

From our happy little family of 4 to your precious family...

xoxox

christy

(and Jordan, Ava and Pierce, too)

Clemmons Family

I met this incredible couple when my husband and I attended our first small group through Church of the Highlands in the Spring of 2009.  They were co-leading the LIFE (Living In Freedom Everyday) curriculum with another great couple that lived near us.  We had no idea the journey that was about to begin for us and our family.  This couple played such a vital role in the healing and restoration process that Jordan and I, desperately, needed in that season of our lives.  

We are so blessed to know them and they will forever hold a very special place in our hearts.  I've had the privilege of shooting their family portraits every year since then and I couldn't enjoy watching their kids grow more.  Such a beautiful family inside and out.

Scott and Amy, thank you for continually blessing our lives by just loving us.  Thank you for the sacrifices you made to co-lead LIFE that fateful Spring.  It impacted us more than you can imagine and I pray you reap the blessings of it for a lifetime!  

We love you!

xoxox

christy

(click image for larger view)

Discipline + Stories

"Because the Lord disciplines those He loves."

Proverbs 3:12

Discipline isn't fun.  

It's not fun to discipline our children.  It's certainly not fun to be disciplined yourself.  But when discipline is given IN love, it makes it a little easier to swallow.  We discipline our children because we love them but its important to USE love when disciplining, not anger or frustration.  I wish I could tell you I use this method all the time when I correct Ava, but, unfortunately, I haven't.  I've been sleep deprived with a new baby.  Nursing is a full time job.  Period.  But I don't want to make excuses for my lack of parenting in a godly way.  I want to repent and seek the better way.  Why?  Because I have had such a great example of disciplining IN love, recently.  I have been disciplined.  Chastised.  Corrected.  In love.  By my heavenly Father.  What has He shown me lately that isn't pleasing Him?  I want to share it with you.  But please know this is what He's been revealing to ME.   I am not sharing this to pass my convictions off on anyone else.  I'm not condemning anyone.  There is no condemnation in Christ.  This all stems from habits that have slowly crept in on me and my amazing Daddy has ever so sweetly been revealing my errors, my flaws.  I have them.  I'm farrrrrr from perfect.  FAR.FROM.IT.  

The past 12 months of my life have been a combination of everything I dreamed of and nothing I expected at the same time.  Our family has experienced one change after another and my S/I personality has been a little rocked by it all.  I like structure and stability.  I haven't seen much of that in these last 12 months from quitting a job at a company I'd been with for 15 years to becoming a mother of two, to my husband quitting his job for full time ministry.  It's been a whirlwind.  And honestly, since I became pregnant with Pierce, I have felt like my body was under a heavy spiritual attack, which has lasted up to the very present.  Have I fallen back on every Biblical truth I know regarding the enemy's schemes and attacks?  Have I lifted up my shield of faith daily?  No.  I have been utterly human and near sighted to my "problems" and what's been wrong with ME that I had slowly lost the joy and excitement I first experienced when God answered my prayers for quitting my job and becoming pregnant again.  

I don't even want to list everything I have physically encountered because of the negative tone in which it would all be shared.  This is where Correction #1 comes into play.  I have been too negative.  Complaining.  I have not shown gratitude for all that God HAS done in these last 12 months.  I have been so consumed with how I have been feeling that I haven't taken the time to praise Him for the blessings He has so graciously blessed my family with.  Every single thing we prayed for, He has answered.  What should we have to complain about??  Nothing.  And tonight I repent.  Forgive me Jesus. And I'm choosing to lift up a heart of thankfulness and praise.  

Being at home all day, every day, has not been what I had expected.  Honestly, how did our household run in any sort of order or efficiently when I worked full time??!!  Maybe baby #2 and that whole process of being pregnant thwarted my intentions or expectations.  I don't know.  But I don't feel like I get much accomplished.  The hours slip away much faster it seems than when I sat in an office 8 hours a day.  There are more days than not when the house is a wreck, clothes aren't washed, dirty dishes are still in the sink and the bed's not made.  New baby and nursing may account for much of that but still... 

What God has been revealing to me is the amount of time I spend with my stupid phone in my face throughout the day.  Every notification tone prompts me to pick up my phone to see what's going on.  New emails.  New Facebook comments.  Oh, someone liked my picture on Instagram.  Someone retweeted me.  Scrolling through the Facebook timeline to see what's going on in the lives of everyone else.  All while missing out on the life I'm living and the little lives right under my nose.  Chastisement #2.  

Do I neglect the needs of my children for the sake of keeping up with social media?  No.  Does Ava get my undivided attention every.single.solitary.moment.she's.talking?  (That's a lot, by the way.)  No.  If I've said, "just one minute baby" one time, I've said it a thousand.  Why?  So I could finish scrolling through Facebook and catching up on everyone's posts.  Does she need my undivided attention 100% of the time?  No.  But the Lord has been asking me what it must feel like to be her when she darts from her bedroom into the living room all dressed up in an outfit she's picked out herself, that doesn't match, and asks "mommy, do I look pretty?" and it takes me 10 seconds to finish glancing at my phone before I look up to notice her.  I can only imagine that if she could really put it into words, she wouldn't feel like much of a priority.  And that cuts at my heart.  Deep.  

And when Ava's at school during the day and it's just Pierce and me...He's nursing while I'm app hopping...Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Candy Crush.  I'm stuck in a recliner with a baby in my lap.  What else is there to do?  Watch TV?  Nothing good on and I don't get a lot of quiet so I like it better off.  I softly caress the top of Pierce's head.  I glance down at his sweet angelic face. 

"Christy?"

"Yes Lord?"

"You know he won't be this little forever, right?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then savor these moments My child.  Five years from now you'll wonder where these moments went. Cherish them.  Soak him in.  Deeply."

"Yes Lord."

And my heart is twisted like a pretzel.  Filled with conviction.  Filled with a touch of anger at myself.  And at the enemy.  Social media has the amazing ability to connect us with some great people - our families, friends, clients, potential clients, etc.  But it has also had the deceptive ability to steal my time from what's most important.  So, I really felt the Lord nudging me to eliminate my distractions.  I turned off all of my social media notifications.  No more chiming when there's new updates on my social media apps.  No little red numbers rearing its ugly head at me when I look at my phone.  No banners on my lock screen.  My only notifications come from emails and text messages.  So, if you need to get me in a more timely manner - text, email or call me.  I'll only check social media sites when I'm available to check them...not when my little loves are in the room or when my hot hubby is home from work.  I'd apologize for my lack of "liking" your photos or your posts or if I don't comment on a life event or situation that happened to you on any given day but in keeping up with your lives, I've been missing out on my own and that's the only thing I am sorry for.  

Can I even express the amount of peace that such a simple thing like this has brought into my life within the last 24 hours???  OH.MY.WORD.  You have no idea.  Unless you try it.  I dare ya.  ;op

Yesterday Ava runs from her bedroom with such excitement and brings me a purple piece of paper that she has written scribbled on and exclaims, "Mommy, I wrote a story!!!  A real story!!!"  And because I didn't have my phone in my face and my heart was focused on the right thing, I was able to connect with her, listen to her "story" and have one of the sweetest moments with her that I've ever had.  I took her piece of paper, turned it over and asked her to "read" me her story while I wrote it down on the backside.  I jotted down her name, how old she was and the date.  Every writer has a first story.  This was hers.  And I wanted to have it.  To save it.  For that one day, years from now.  Just in case she ever does become a real writer.  

Her story began with "Ariel had a brilliant day" and ended with "Ariel loves her father very much."  She told her story in a sing song fashion while she rocked from one foot to the other with her hands clasped together in front of her.  Every now and then she threw in a little spin.  Because that's what she does.  :o)  I can never have yesterday back.  And I can't help but think how I could have missed her "story" if I had had my nose in my phone and just, nonchalantly, said, "yeah, Ava.  That's great baby."  She would have just grinned and ran back to her room to scribble some more.  I would have missed the brilliance.  I would have missed the love for a father.  I would have missed the 4 other stories she "wrote" following that one.  I would have missed so much more in her 1 life than the 25+ lives on Facebook.  Her life matters so much more to me. 

I'm excited to have more of these moments with my creative little bundle of girly-girl princess, ninja turtle loving daughter.  I will cherish the full face grins of my little miracle boy while he nurses in my arms.  I'll soak them all in.  I'll engrave them on my heart.  I'll feel my joy meter overflowing.  And I can't help but think I can see my Savior smiling down on me and saying, "you have chosen the better thing My dear.  Well done."  He loves me.  Because He loves me, He wants what's best for me.  And it took His chastisement to lead me there.  Oh how He loves.  

I'm sure this won't be my last lesson learned through His loving discipline but until there's another one, there are stories to write and memories to be made.  Joy to experience and love to be shared.  

xoxox

christy

She's Teaching Me...

The events of this morning what began in the wee hours of this morning would probably make you chuckle, if not laugh out loud.  I pray I can find them comical at some point throughout the day...think spit up and baby poop two times and then again three times over and your imagination can entertain you for a little bit.  I, however, was not and am still not entertained.

Jordan is typically home in the mornings to help with the scrambling about of getting Ava ready for school while I am usually confined to the recliner nursing Pierce.  Not so this morning.  He needed to be somewhere by 8:15 which meant I needed to be leaving the house by 8:15 to drop Ava off at school.  Let me interject right here and say that I am SO unbelievably, incredibly thankful I do not have to try to do all of this and head in for a full time job as well.  My prayers to all of you who do.  And so, by the time I had Pierce relatively in a "normal" state (clean diaper, clean clothes, clean hair and body) and resting contently in his bouncer seat, it was about 7:40.  I, immediately, went to work on Ava's hair.  They were told to wear their "team colors" to school today and Ava wanted to wear her "big" Auburn hair bow.  If you all know me and know me well, you understand that there really aren't any "big" hairbows within our possession.  But we do have this ONE for game days which she's actually never worn because....well....I'm just not the "big" hairbow kinda gal.  Haters gonna hate.  Players gonna play.  Whatever.  Whatever.  The bigger the bow is not my motto.  Ava wanted pig tails for school last week with a hairbow in each one.  I fixed her hair and picked out the only two little matching hairbows we could find.  MY CHILD cried because the hairbows were not big enough!!!!!  WHAT?!  Apparently, one of her little friends at school had worn pig tails with "BIG" hairbows in them and Ava, naturally, wanted hers to be just like that.  Sorry kid.  No "BIG" hairbows here...especially 2 matching ones.  The other day in car line, I saw the girl.  Pig tails.  Two "BIG" hairbows.  Thanks kid.  Ashley Noerper, Lauren Robison, Michaelle Ragsdale....this is the kind of influence your daughters will be having on the "non-BIG-hairbow-wearing" girls!!!  Thank you.  I hope you feel your mission in life has been accomplished!!  HAHAHA!!!!  Seriously, the little girl was a doll and I even told Ava we would have to find her some big hairbows.  SOOOO.....you girls need to help this momma out because they don't just sell those at Walmart.  I looked.  :op

Since we don't normally wear "BIG" hairbows, I wanted to fix Ava's hair so the bow was a little more towards the back part of her head and not on the very top.  So what I attempted to do was pull the top half of her hair back while keeping the front going more side swept than straight back, if that makes sense.  Well, since my morning started out so "entertaining", it should have been obvious that this was not going to go swimmingly.  One attempt.  2nd attempt.  4th attempt.  5th attempt.  UGH.  Forget it.  Top front side of your hair pulled back and the hairbow on the top.  I.DON'T.CARE.ANYMORE.  Let's brush your teeth and get your stuff together and load up.

Cue Pierce getting fussy.

I get Ava's lunch box out of the refrigerator and accidentally popped the lid on her water bottle.  While it was laying on its side.  On the stove.  So now I have water pouring onto the stove and getting her lunch box wet.  Great.  Moving on and we get everything packed up and ready to go.  I go to get Pierce in the carseat and he's asleep.  Awesome.  Move him into the carseat without waking him up.  HA.  Not on this day.  Not on THIS DAY.  It's 8:18.  Cry if you must sweet boy.  WE'VE GOTTA GO.  And so he does.  But, thankfully, not for long.

Ok Ava.  Let's go.  Let's go.  LET'S GO!!!!  And then she speaks these words:

"And we've gotta pray mommy."

And I paused.  And I pulled her in close to me.  And I took a deep breath.  And I prayed for her.  Like we do every.single.morning.before.we.walk.out.the.door.

I don't always parent well.  I don't always have it all together.  Especially as of late.  I'm not a perfect person.  I'm not a perfect mommy.  I'm not a perfect wife.  Ask my husband.  I'm human and I'm struggling too with my own feelings and emotions and situations and circumstances like so many of you may be doing.  I'm trying.  Surviving seems to be more fitting these days.

We ask Ava every single day, "what did you learn at school today?"  Every single time, her response is, "I don't remember."

Last night we tried to help her remember her shapes because they are having an oral test on them today.  She's having trouble remembering the differences between a square and a rectangle.

Today, she reminds me that we need to pray.  My sweet, sweet, precious little girl, that I feel so unworthy to have, I don't care if you never remember that a square looks like a box and that a rectangle looks like a door.  I don't care if you still can't recognize all of your numbers from 1 to 10.  I don't care if you still can't remember the middle part of the alphabet song.  If you always, always, ALWAYS, remember to PRAY, you are smarter than the most decorated college graduate on the planet with more degrees than a thermometer.  And today, you were smarter than mommy.  Keep teaching me baby girl...keep teaching me.

"Jesus, help me be better.  In every way because you've entrusted two incredible young lives to me and I do not want to fail them.  Ever.  Amen."

(Ava with her "BIG" hairbow. War Eagle.)

(And here's Pierce from a couple of weeks ago. Dashing.)

xoxox

christy

Messy to Clean

Her bedroom has been a disaster for about a month.  Maybe longer.  I've avoided cleaning it because I knew I would have to "really" clean it once I finished painting her new bedroom furniture and we do the whole furniture swap thing.  But I got sucked into the "black hole", as we call it sometimes, yesterday while Ava was getting a bath.  I cleaned.  And I cleaned.  And I got Ava out of the bath and I cleaned some more while she watched TV in the living room.  When I was almost finished with her room, Ava runs in and sweetly asks, "Mommy, can I help you?"  I was more reluctant for her to help because I really just wanted to get the job done and move on but her willingness to help and her sweet convincing voice was enough for me to give in!  I gave her a few things to put away and then she darted back out of the room as quickly as she'd darted in.  Her total time contribution was probably 5 minutes, maybe 10 at the max.  

(Sorry...didn't get any "before" pictures of the messy room)

All her toys were put away and the floor could be seen again so I pulled out the vacuum cleaner and had just turned it on when the little flitter bug bounces back into her freshly cleaned room.  She runs to one side of the room and turns around to survey the cleanliness of her precious abode and excitedly jumps up and down and declares with a triumphant tone, "Mommy, you did it!!"  And as she dashes out of her room once again, this exuberant statement trails behind, "Thank you for cleaning it all up!"  Be still my heart.  What did I do to deserve such a grateful child?  It's in those moments when the discomfort of being 18 weeks pregnant, crawling around on the floor on my hands and knees, and the frustration of where to put this or that diminishes and I think to myself, "I would clean it all up again, endure the discomfort all again, just to see the elation on your face and hear the sincere gratefulness in your voice."  I think it's a beautiful picture of how Christ sees us, too.  

Sometimes we can make a mess of situations.  Sometimes we get ourselves into a mess, maybe we didn't even ask for or create.  We don't know where to really begin in the clean up process.  We look around at the mess and feel its just too big or too much.  It looks hopeless and we despair at what we live in.  Sometimes we need to ask for His help to begin the process.  Maybe by asking for forgiveness. Maybe by declaring your need and dependence on Him.  Maybe by confessing your failures or mistakes and telling Him that you can no longer do this on your own.  Sometimes you may not need to ask.  He may take the first step by removing one thing from your "room".  It could be the catalyst that sets you on a new path seeking Him and then He begins to show YOU how to clean up some of your mess.  Either way, you won't have to do it alone.  He'll be right there beside you, helping you, showing you what step to take next.  And when He gives you a clean slate, a fresh pallet and a new life, I know how His heart must feel when you give Him the glory and you praise Him for "cleaning it all up".  I think its in those moments when He can look at us and say, "It was worth it, all the excruciating pain, the heartache, the torture and the torment, I'd do it all again for you to love Me, adore Me and recognize Me for what just took place in your life."

I want to live with that heart of thankfulness and gratefulness, everyday.  I am beyond thankful to be a parent and get these glimpses of how God sees me as His child.  It has truly helped me see through His eyes.  It has helped me forgive even myself at times.  It reassures me constantly how much He does love me and how much He wants good things for me.  I may not have always been given the best example of a father in my earthly father, but God, my Heavenly Father, has been all the example I need.  

If you're at a difficult place in your life right now, uncertain of your place in this big world, feeling unloved or unwanted, let me encourage you today by simply saying, there is a God who loves you, adores you, waits for you with open arms; who wants to pick you up, clean up your messy life, give you a brand new life and set you on a path full of purpose and joy.  All you have to do is ask Him.  His sole purpose is to bring you into His family.  There's no better place to be.  

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:  The old has gone, the new is here!" 

2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV

The Page Family ~ Amazing Peace

I don't remember the day but I do remember the phone call.  One of my bestest friends called me on my way to work one morning to let me know that she had just found out she was expecting baby number 2.  I was super excited for her and could hardly wait to meet this precious baby.

A few months pass by and we're all together at a youth retreat in Panama City Beach, FL.  Not to be rude in any way but I told her she was too big to be just a few months pregnant with just one baby.  I swore to her that there were two babies in her belly and she just laughed it off and assured me there was just one.  Fast forward a couple more months and she calls me to confirm my suspicions.  She's having TWINS!!!  I did what any best friend would do.  I said, "I told you so!!"  :o)  

As a friend, I'm super excited for her.  As a photographer, I am super duper excited for her!!!  My husband is a twin and all of my life I have always wanted to have twins.  I just love twins!!  :o)  I made her promise me that I would get to do their newborn session!  She thought I was crazy to mention it because, frankly, who else would she let do it?!  ;o)  I started counting down the months until they were due and getting myself all psyched up to FINALLY do a twin newborn session.  I could hardly wait!  

She had an ultrasound done to find out the sex of both babies and learned that her firstborn son, Jackson, would have two new baby brothers to play with.  Three boys, oh my!  Let the fun begin, right?!

She also learned that one of the boys, Baby B, had a blocked urethra valve and his bladder wasn't functioning as it should.  She called to let me know and asked that I be praying for that situation.  Absolutely!  Doctors would continue to monitor this throughout the remainder of the pregnancy to see if it improved.  If the blockage did not clear, Baby B would be facing a surgery very soon after his birth to correct the problem.  As months passed and checkups were held, there wasn't any improvement in this blockage.  Nothing could be done until after the babies' birth.  So, Jason and Amanda, patiently waited and enjoyed the remainder of this pregnancy.  

On February 21, 2012,  at 5:16pm, Amanda sends me a text message that says "We are having babies tonight :)!"  I could hardly contain my excitement and I kept my phone close-by for any updates on their arrival.  Since I've experienced the labor and delivery process once before, I know how overwhelming it can be to have a million phone calls and text messages blowing your phone up while you're trying to have a baby; so, I intentionally, did not respond with any follow up text messages that night to check on her or the babies.  When I woke up the next morning and still had no updates, I sent her a text to see how the boys were doing.  Baby A, Hayden, and Baby B, Harrison, had arrived late that night.  Amanda replied and said, "We're all good! :)  Please pray for Harrison though.  We serve a huge God and his lungs are very small and not mature."  At the very beginning, before she knew the road she was about to travel, she proclaimed the BIGNESS of our God.  Before she knew what would be required of her, she declared that God was larger than whatever she would face.  I am a witness to the fact that this faith never wavered.  She never questioned the proclamation she made.  Never doubted for a second that her God was huge.  It was this faith that carried her through the most challenging journey any parent could walk.  

Baby Harrison had severely underdeveloped lungs.  He was immediately hooked up to a ventilator and several other machines to monitor his vital signs.  He would make amazing progress and then there would be a set back.  His lungs were getting stronger but his bladder and kidneys were failing to work properly.  He endured a surgery to prepare his little body for dialysis.  No one knew if the dialysis would be a long term situation of if it would only be necessary for a little while.  We all prayed and hoped for every part of this to be short term.  We prayed for every facet of his little body to function independently without the need for any machines at all.  

In a very short 15 days, those prayers were answered when Baby Harrison was given angel wings and called heavenward.  It's not at all how we had hoped it would be.  Not at all what this mommy and daddy dreamed for their family.  They were looking forward to turning their family of three into a family of five.  But because they have a faith and hope in Jesus Christ, they can embrace God's plan and trust that He is bigger than what they have had to face and that His ways are so much greater than they can understand.  In walking through this with Jason and Amanda, the one thing that has been ever so constant in their lives has been the supernatural peace of God.  They will both admit to you that this was the most difficult thing they have ever had to experience but they will also admit that God's peace has been so real and tangible in their lives and it is simply that peace which has sustained them each day.  I have been so blessed to witness their faith, experience their joy as they celebrate Hayden and praise God for the short time they were able to have Harrison here.  I truly believe their story has made an impact on more lives than they can even comprehend.  

I typically would shoot a newborn session within the newborn's first ten days of life but considering the situation and circumstances we faced with Harrison, scheduling this photo session was challenging.  It was such a bittersweet conversation to have with Amanda.  We wanted to capture Hayden as this tiny new baby but our hearts ached because we should have been photographing two sweet brothers, side by side.  Nothing felt right about it.  We both agreed we wanted Harrison to be a part of the photo session too....in some way.  Thankfully, the hospital had a photographer take some pictures of Harrison after they had unhooked him from all of the machines.  Amanda, graciously, entrusted this cd of images to me.  I did some small editing to a few of the images and had them printed for our session.  Below are images from my photo session with the Page family.  Knowing this family, knowing what they have been through, knowing how they have handled the difficult journey they were called to face, puts this session at the top of my list of favorites.  Such a sweet spirit of peace, hope and joy surround them.  

Jason and Amanda, I hope you know how much I love and adore you both.  I am so blessed to know you.  So encouraged by your faith.  So amazed at how you've grown.  So expectant at how God uses your story, your testimony, your son to impact other lives.  You are beautiful inside and out.  Your family is so precious to me.  Thank you so much for allowing me to be such a small part of it.  {hugs}

I love this picture below.  In the image on the right, Amanda asked Jackson for a kiss and he went straight for baby Hayden!  :o)

 Look how high Jackson can fly!

This was the only time Hayden gave the slightest hint of a smile.  I love that it was with a picture of his sweet twin brother.  In the picture, Harrison is on the left, Hayden is on the right.

This is one of my favorites!

"Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.  For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him." 

~ 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 NIV

Blessings, 

Christy  

Encouragement

At the beginning of this year, January 2012, I had committed myself to a lifestyle change that I knew would be very challenging and demanding.  I was optimistically excited but very, ummm...., very....unsure of my own ability to really do what I had made up my mind to do.  Seven or eight years ago, I wouldn't have balked at this decision.  I would have bowed out my chest and said, "bring it on!". 

Let's face it.  The "weight loss" challenge is exactly that.  A challenge.  So, let's add some extra baby weight to that and oh, just a few extra years from when you were "really in shape" and you no longer just have a "challenge".  You have impossibility, or so it seems. 

We all want that quick fat burn where 50 pounds drop in 2 days.  Hello fat girl on Monday.  Hello skinny girl on Wednesday.  Yep.  That's a dream.  What's the website for that weight loss pill again?  Can you tell me one more time the name of your weight loss doctor?  We live in a time when we want everything NOW.  We don't have time to wait.  I want what I want when I want it and I want it right this minute.  That's our mentality.  And that has been my mentality for the last three and a half years since I had my little girl.  I want to lose "x" pounds and I want to lose it in like three months.  Come on!  Is that too much to ask for?!  Well, realistically, yes it is!  

After facing some health issues in August last year, I hit a season of being very depressed with my overall health.  I felt like my body was in an all out attack against me and I was powerless to overcome it.  I had surgery in September and expected to be pain-free once my body had healed from surgery.  Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.  I endured three more months of pain with little relief.  Can I be honest and tell you that this was not a very pretty place for me?  I was beginning to feel defeated.  Lie after lie after lie would bombard my mind, consistently.  And I believed them. 

I felt prompted in late November, early December to go back to my doctor and have her check things out one more time.  After my checkup, she was still questioning why/how I could still be in so much pain.  She decided to prescribe me a strong antibiotic to rule out any infection and if that didn't seem to help, we'd re-evaluate.  I sauntered out of her office with a prescription and still no answers.  I was frustrated.  Exhausted.  Spent.  Ready to give up the fight.  Throw in the towel.  If this is how my body wants to behave then fine.  I don't care.  

See.  I told you it wasn't a pretty place.  But praise God, I have a Father who loves me SO much, He will lovingly rebuke me, reassure me, encourage me, push me on and renew my mind.  Not only did He realign my mental state but He also reached down and touched my physical body.  I prayed that God would use the antibiotic and that it would work.  Prayed for it to clear up ANYTHING that should not be in there.  And then I waited.  And I trusted.  And it worked.  One week, two weeks, three weeks passed with a drastic decline in pain.  Hallelujah!!!  I, literally, felt like I had just been given a new body.  It was like my new lease on life....in a way.  :o)  

With this sense of hurdling over a major health obstacle, I knew things needed to change.  I needed to take care of the temple God had given me.  It was no longer about a weight loss goal.  Yes, I do still have a number in mind, but its not what I'm striving for.  My goal is simply to live a healthier lifestyle; making healthier choices when it comes to what I eat and what I do to my body.  This way, I don't get caught up in a number.  I focus on a daily decision.  Did I choose a healthy option today over a bad one?  Did I exercise today?  If the answer is yes, then I've already accomplished my daily goal.  If the answer is no, then I haven't fallen from an insurmountable height; I simply didn't move a step forward.  I can try again tomorrow.  

With all of that being said, I kicked off my lifestyle change in January of this year.  I started counting calories and exercising.  I don't have a personal trainer.  I have a gym membership that I NEVER use.  I am a wife, mother, full time employee, weekend photographer, church member, daughter, sister, friend and so forth.  I have no more extra time in a day than anyone else.  I had to MAKE priorities.  I had to make up my mind what this lifestyle change would look like and consist of before I ever started it.  I had to have something in writing.  I had Jordan take some awful, humiliating pictures of me so I could see what I looked like when I started.  After seeing those pictures, I had to apologize to my husband and ask him to forgive me for looking this way and not taking better care of myself for him.  He's never loved me less or thought less of me but I knew my husband deserved my best and this was NOT it.  I took measurements so I could track my progress.  

My church has small group semesters and the first small group semester of the year would be kicking off in just a few weeks.  I decided I wanted to get involved in some sort of fitness small group this time.  I felt it would keep me motivated at least one day of the week and I knew I wouldn't drop out within the 13 week semester and I would have some accountability.  Some amazing girlfriends of mine were actually leading a small group called Highlands Dance Workout.  I felt comfortable with these ladies as leaders so I signed my happy little self up.  I don't dance.  I have no rhythm.  I am not coordinated.  So this seemed like the most ridiculous small group of choice but I was up for the challenge.  Let me just say, it was the best decision ever!  It took me a few weeks to get the moves down but I'm hanging with everyone and have felt the improvement week by week. 

Along with my Thursday night small group workout, I've also incorporated running, P90X and Insanity into my workout regimen.  It has been T.O.U.G.H.!  But I am loving them all!!!  

When we had our first small group class, I had lost 13 pounds.  I shared that with Summer, one of the leaders, just because Summer is cool like that and ALWAYS full of praise and encouragement....I just love her! ;o)  Summer also won't hesistate to ask you to share something praiseworthy with the group if you feel comfortable!  :op  After sharing my weight loss victory with her, she asked if I would mind sharing that with the group.  I'm not crowd-shy so I agreed.  I wasn't sure of the direction to take with it because it only needed to be a few minutes in length.  I was at lunch one day and used my handy little "Notes" option on my iPhone to jot down some stuff that I had actually started implementing myself at the first of the year.  It turned into something lengthy so I just typed it up and emailed it to Summer and told her she could do whatever she felt led to do with it as far as sharing it with the group.  I just shared with the class a brief overview of my weight loss and encouraged everyone to keep at it and they would see results.  Summer ended up printing copies of my little "Encouragement" notes for everyone to have.  

I thought it would be fun to share on here in case anyone reading this needs a little encouragement in their own weight loss journey.  I'm thrilled to share that, since January, I have lost 23 pounds!!  It wasn't by a pill, a vitamin, a weekly injection of B12 or any other super-pseudo scientific method.  It has simply been by a lot of self-discipline with my eating habits, exercise and some serious prayer for God to sustain me and help me take care of what He's entrusted to me.  I am 3 pounds shy of reaching my pre-baby weight and I couldn't be more excited about this whole journey!!!  It's been A LOT of work and not a lot of sleep but the rewards have been amazing and I feel great!  Every step made in the direction of maintaining a healthy lifestyle is worth celebrating.  I have a lot of celebrating to do and more to come!  I hope the "Encouragement" notes below will be an "encouragement" to you....no matter what journey you're on right now.  
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~ Encouragement ~    

Like most things we deal with & face, 99.9% of the battle is in our minds. This year I have been determined to win the battle. I am calling the shots this year & making my body submit to what I say it can/can't, should or shouldn't do. It's been SO empowering!!!
This is my encouragement to you:

Take 1 step closer to your goal weight every day...just like we aim to do with our relationship with Jesus; just taking one step closer each day.

Recognize your setbacks...I call them "my walls". First, try to avoid them but if you can't, be determined to plow through them.

Small steps that can help you reach your goal:

1. Make a healthy food choice every day. Example - pick the grilled chicken sandwich instead of the spicy chicken sandwich with pepper jack cheese! :)

2. Know how many calories you need to be consuming each day & then KNOW how many calories you are eating at every meal. There are apps to help! "My Fitness Pal" is my favorite.

3. Plan your meals in advance so you don't make an impulsive decision that isn't good for you and that you will regret afterwards.

4. Avoid fast food if you can help it. If its inevitable, only choose from the healthier options (even if it's not what you really feel like eating!). Your conscience (and the scale) will thank you later!!

5. Make the choice to turn off the tv, get up & do some type of workout, even if it's after the kids go to bed and it's 8:30/9:00 at night!

6. Make the choice to not snack after supper or to not eat after 8pm.

7. Believe in yourself! Believe that you are worth investing in & that you CAN reach your goal!

Remember - the battle's in your mind! You want to lose weight more than you want that Krispy Kreme Hot Now donut!! :)

What is the time it's going to take to become a healthier you, taking care of the temple God's given you compared to the # of years you've spent overweight, unhealthy & dissatisfied with yourself?! It will be a lot of work but that time will fly by and before you know it you'll be able to see the results you've wanted and feel so proud of yourself and your accomplishments! Go after it!!

If you need motivation daily or weekly, write your goals down - write the vision & make it plain! Habakkuk 2:2, right?! :o)

Write down the steps you need to take to achieve your goals.

Take pictures of yourself & measurements. Yes, this part hurts but it can be the BEST motivation. Update those pictures & measurements each month. See the improvements & keep pushing yourself to do better each month.

YOU CAN DO IT!!! God is for you & He's cheering you on too!!

If you are a part of this group and you're at a healthy & happy weight, we applaud you! Set it in your minds now to maintain a healthy lifestyle. It's always easier to maintain your weight than it is to lose it. Never stop taking care of your temple!
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And just to end this post with something cute to look at, here's a picture of my sweet girl!!

Stay encouraged!!
 
Christy  :o)

Running To Win

Before going to bed last night I had decided I would get up at 4:30am to run on my treadmill (crazy, I know, but I do enjoy starting my day with a jog).  I laid out my workout clothes, socks and tennis shoes on my bathroom sink.  This is a must to ensure I actually stick with my plan.  I set my alarm clock, collapse into my bed with my laptop and do some photo editing before actually shutting down for the night.  Eleven o’clock, lights out. 

Five and a half short hours later, that annoying alarm disturbs the morning quiet.  I drag myself out of the bed and stumble to the bathroom, splash cold water on my face to feel somewhat bright eyed and bushy tailed and throw on my work out attire.  

I have three sticky notes stuck to my treadmill with some scriptures that keep me motivated and encouraged when I’m trudging away on the hamster wheel.  As I begin my warm up, I read over these scriptures several times and read them over and over again throughout my entire run.  The battle to keep running is all in my head so these verses are the ammunition to fight off the voice inside that says “I can’t do this.”

1 Corinthians 9:27 ~ “I beat my body and make it my slave.”

Hebrews 12:11 ~ “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

Hebrews 12:1-2 ~ “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross.”

I had intentions of creating a really pretty motivational sign with 1 Corinthians 9:24, “Run in such a way as to get the prize”, to stick on the wall that I stare a hole in when I’m running.  But I didn’t have time and really wanted something else to look at so I made this instead:

During my run, I felt the Lord really impressing on my heart to focus on what running a race and running to win really means.  So as I paced my strides and regulated my gasping, er...breathing, I set my heart on listening.  This may seem really elementary but it really stirred my heart this morning.  

Hebrews 12:1 ~ “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”  The race marked out for us...The race marked out for us.......

Every time I’ve read this verse before, I’ve envisioned athletes during the Summer Olympics lined up on the starting line, anxiously waiting to hear the gunshot that will catapult them into their full sprint; running hard to be the first one to cross the finish line.  But this morning, I saw something completely different.  Hebrews 12:1 references “the race marked out for US”.  We aren’t racing against each other.  We’re not competing with anyone else.  You are the only competitor in YOUR race.  This doesn’t mean you are alone on the journey.  You have a crowd of witnesses cheering you on, believing in you.  Your race will not look like someone else’s race.  Your race is YOUR race.  My race is MY race.  It’s not about being the first to cross the finish line.  It’s just about finishing YOUR race.  We each have our own finish line.  The goal is simply to finish and finish well.  

What has your race looked like so far?  What have been your greatest achievements?  Your greatest struggles?  What peaks and valleys have you faced on your journey?  How have you grown?  How has your faith been strengthened?  Every part of that is what makes your race unique. 

Over the past several years, I had found myself sure of the race I was running; confident that I was running well.  The scenery was beautiful; the air fresh and clean.  Maybe I was running with my head so high up in the pretty white fluffy clouds that I didn’t see the brick wall coming.  I noticed the terrain changing and the sky growing somewhat dim but I suppose I blame ignoring the warning signs on optimism.  Surely, the clouds will part and this was just a small bump in the road.  However, a mountain as high as Mount Everest loomed before me.  The earth beneath my feet turned into quick sand.  Blue skies were overshadowed by darkness.  Deep darkness.  I tried to tackle the mountain but it was dark and I didn’t know which way to turn.  Everything that I had ever been sure of in my life was suddenly on trial in my own mind.  What was truth?  Had everything I ever been taught my entire life a lie?  Jesus, are You really real?  Question after question after question flooded my heart and mind day.after.day.after.day.  In this moment, it was the closest I have ever been to understanding how Jesus felt on the cross when He cried out, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?”  I broke.  I cried.  I grieved.  I screamed.  I beat the ground.  I mourned the loss of what once was and I struggled to find the new.  But all I found was more darkness.  I clawed at the dirt beneath me, searching for something solid.  I searched for the true God.  I tried to shake everything I’d ever been taught by man and reached for God’s Word alone to discover who this God I claimed to have lived for all my life really was.  As I fed on His Word in the newness of the place I’d found myself in, there sat before me a mirror.  As He revealed His truth to me, I saw the real person I had been most of my life.  And I was appalled.  Sickened.  Disgusted.  I questioned how God could ever love me.  I was prideful.  Selfish.  Critical.  Judgmental.  If you weren’t doing it “this way” or if you didn’t believe “this way” then you were wrong and shame on you.  God have mercy.  And He did.  I begged His forgiveness.  Pleaded for His mercy.  Begged for His love to be poured out in my heart like never before.  He said, “I already did.  It’s already yours.  And there’s more than enough for you My daughter.”  And I broke.  And I wept.  And I loved in a way I never thought I could.  I tasted and saw that the Lord was good.  So, so, SO good.  Through the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit working IN my life, I reached the top of that mountain.  I surveyed the beauty that could be seen from the mountaintop.  I looked back down into the valley of the shadow of death that I had just been set free from and I felt the weight of the accomplishment I had just achieved.  I boldly faced that valley and whispered, “Thank you.  Thank you for the lessons learned.  Thank you for the conditioning.  Thank you for testing my faith.  My character.  My existence.  Thank you.”  And in this very moment, I am building a memorial, at the top of that mountain, to the God who brought me out of the darkness and into His marvelous light!!!  

Now, I’m back to running my race.  It’s been such an incredible journey since that huge mile marker.  So many things have been happening that I finally had to buckle down and just hang on for the ride.  God has been doing exceedingly and abundantly above all that I could think or ask (Eph. 3:20) and I just stand in awe, amazement and wonder at how and why He chose me.  Who am I to be blessed this way?  Who am I to have such an incredible family, amazing husband, precious daughter, covenant friends and a phenomenal church family?  Who am I to run THIS race, Jesus?  I don’t see the finish line ahead.  And I don’t see what lies around that next corner but I am confident that Jesus is faithful to finish what He’s started and I’m confident that He will never leave me nor forsake me as I run this out.  I have no doubt there will be high and low seasons.  There will be seasons when I don’t feel like running and I hope a walk will be sufficient to just keep me moving forward.  And I know there will be a fork in the road and I will have to choose the next path.  But I know the Holy Spirit will guide me into all truth and He will light the path I should take.  I’ll be very honest and transparent with you all.  Right now, I’m not thrilled about my race.  I know God is on the verge of doing something new but as I wait that out, until it becomes clear, I feel like I’m on the hamster wheel; running but going nowhere.  And its not easy.  And I cry....because, I’m a girl and that’s what we do, we cry....a lot!  But I love when I’m on that hamster wheel and God drops a word in my heart that lifts my spirits and reignites the determination within to plow through.  I’m going to keep running my race.  And while I’m running my race, I don’t want to see others just standing by.  I want to push them into their own race; their own purpose; doing what God created them to do.  

So, let’s Run to Win!!  What is our reward?  Heaven!  Eternity with Jesus!  And that makes it worth it all!  If we keep our eyes on the prize, Jesus, and keep running toward the finish line, the cares, worries, materialistic things of this world are meaningless. 

“Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith!”

Much love,

Christy  :o)