Jordan is typically home in the mornings to help with the scrambling about of getting Ava ready for school while I am usually confined to the recliner nursing Pierce. Not so this morning. He needed to be somewhere by 8:15 which meant I needed to be leaving the house by 8:15 to drop Ava off at school. Let me interject right here and say that I am SO unbelievably, incredibly thankful I do not have to try to do all of this and head in for a full time job as well. My prayers to all of you who do. And so, by the time I had Pierce relatively in a "normal" state (clean diaper, clean clothes, clean hair and body) and resting contently in his bouncer seat, it was about 7:40. I, immediately, went to work on Ava's hair. They were told to wear their "team colors" to school today and Ava wanted to wear her "big" Auburn hair bow. If you all know me and know me well, you understand that there really aren't any "big" hairbows within our possession. But we do have this ONE for game days which she's actually never worn because....well....I'm just not the "big" hairbow kinda gal. Haters gonna hate. Players gonna play. Whatever. Whatever. The bigger the bow is not my motto. Ava wanted pig tails for school last week with a hairbow in each one. I fixed her hair and picked out the only two little matching hairbows we could find. MY CHILD cried because the hairbows were not big enough!!!!! WHAT?! Apparently, one of her little friends at school had worn pig tails with "BIG" hairbows in them and Ava, naturally, wanted hers to be just like that. Sorry kid. No "BIG" hairbows here...especially 2 matching ones. The other day in car line, I saw the girl. Pig tails. Two "BIG" hairbows. Thanks kid. Ashley Noerper, Lauren Robison, Michaelle Ragsdale....this is the kind of influence your daughters will be having on the "non-BIG-hairbow-wearing" girls!!! Thank you. I hope you feel your mission in life has been accomplished!! HAHAHA!!!! Seriously, the little girl was a doll and I even told Ava we would have to find her some big hairbows. SOOOO.....you girls need to help this momma out because they don't just sell those at Walmart. I looked. :op
Since we don't normally wear "BIG" hairbows, I wanted to fix Ava's hair so the bow was a little more towards the back part of her head and not on the very top. So what I attempted to do was pull the top half of her hair back while keeping the front going more side swept than straight back, if that makes sense. Well, since my morning started out so "entertaining", it should have been obvious that this was not going to go swimmingly. One attempt. 2nd attempt. 4th attempt. 5th attempt. UGH. Forget it. Top front side of your hair pulled back and the hairbow on the top. I.DON'T.CARE.ANYMORE. Let's brush your teeth and get your stuff together and load up.
Cue Pierce getting fussy.
I get Ava's lunch box out of the refrigerator and accidentally popped the lid on her water bottle. While it was laying on its side. On the stove. So now I have water pouring onto the stove and getting her lunch box wet. Great. Moving on and we get everything packed up and ready to go. I go to get Pierce in the carseat and he's asleep. Awesome. Move him into the carseat without waking him up. HA. Not on this day. Not on THIS DAY. It's 8:18. Cry if you must sweet boy. WE'VE GOTTA GO. And so he does. But, thankfully, not for long.
Ok Ava. Let's go. Let's go. LET'S GO!!!! And then she speaks these words:
"And we've gotta pray mommy."
And I paused. And I pulled her in close to me. And I took a deep breath. And I prayed for her. Like we do every.single.morning.before.we.walk.out.the.door.
I don't always parent well. I don't always have it all together. Especially as of late. I'm not a perfect person. I'm not a perfect mommy. I'm not a perfect wife. Ask my husband. I'm human and I'm struggling too with my own feelings and emotions and situations and circumstances like so many of you may be doing. I'm trying. Surviving seems to be more fitting these days.
We ask Ava every single day, "what did you learn at school today?" Every single time, her response is, "I don't remember."
Last night we tried to help her remember her shapes because they are having an oral test on them today. She's having trouble remembering the differences between a square and a rectangle.
Today, she reminds me that we need to pray. My sweet, sweet, precious little girl, that I feel so unworthy to have, I don't care if you never remember that a square looks like a box and that a rectangle looks like a door. I don't care if you still can't recognize all of your numbers from 1 to 10. I don't care if you still can't remember the middle part of the alphabet song. If you always, always, ALWAYS, remember to PRAY, you are smarter than the most decorated college graduate on the planet with more degrees than a thermometer. And today, you were smarter than mommy. Keep teaching me baby girl...keep teaching me.
"Jesus, help me be better. In every way because you've entrusted two incredible young lives to me and I do not want to fail them. Ever. Amen."
(Ava with her "BIG" hairbow. War Eagle.)
(And here's Pierce from a couple of weeks ago. Dashing.)